Skywalker
by KitKatt0430
Summary: Rey's family was never coming back for her. In learning to accept this and move on, Rey builds herself a whole new family, one choice at a time. - Aroace Rey


Summary: Rey's family was never coming back for her. In learning to accept this and move on, Rey builds herself a whole new family, one choice at a time.

Notes: Mentions of the awful kiss from the latest movie, but re-contextualizes it. Basically my aroace Rey headcanon writ large.

_**Skywalker**_

Rey doesn't remember her parents because she was happy with them. They loved her so much the Force sang with it and Rey, itsy bitsy creature she'd been at the time, had basked in that love, even as tendrils of fear set in, tainting everything until all that was left was the fear and a screaming child begging her parents to come back for her.

I'll be good, she'd promise herself in the dark of the night. Promised her parents, too, for all that they couldn't hear her anymore. Come back and I'll be a good girl and you'll never want to be rid of me again.

They never came back. And it hurts too much to remember, so Rey stops remembering.

* * *

When her parents left, they sold her into indentured servitude. Slavery without the slave collar, or chip, or whatever the latest fad for controlling slaves happens to be. Rey works hard and, on her eighteenth birthday, Unkar Plutt declares her free. He gives her severance pay, some rations of food and water, and a new set of clothes.

She could buy a berth on a ship bound off-world or join a crew that's hiring. She's good with a staff and would probably take well to a double-bladed vibroblade. She should leave. It's the smart choice.

But Rey longs to be loved by the parents who never came back for her. Who were probably drunks who abandoned her to pay their debts. It's a common enough story and Rey's nothing special.

Still, hope beats in her chest and refuses to die.

She becomes a scavenger and continues to work for Unkar Plutt. She gets to decide how she lives, but on some level she worries that all she's chosen is to continue to live in familiar slavery rather than chance the uncertainty of freedom.

And then, one day, a small orange and white droid, tiredly beeping obscenities about the First Order, rolled into her life.

* * *

Rey doesn't remember the Force. Like her memories of her parents, the Force brought her only sadness once she was indentured to Plutt. So she cut herself off from the Force as surely as she did her memories, and it's not until she's piloting the Millennium Falcon for the first time that she opens herself up to that sense again.

She doesn't know she's doing it. Doesn't remember being a child and floating her toys around her room at night, her parents terrified by how strong she is and what it will mean when his father inevitably senses her.

But Rey's mind opens even as her focus narrows down to one thing - out fly the storm troopers.

And she does.

Hers is not the only mind to reach out for the Force in that fight, but it takes Finn longer to realize what he's touching.

Finn who smiles at her, flushed from their victory, and curious to know if she's got a significant other.

And certainly there's something in Finn that sparks a desire Rey never felt before. But it's not a romantic desire or a sexual one. It takes Rey a while to pin the feeling down and give it a name. She was still struggling with that question when Kylo took her away outside Maz's cantina. But she knows what it is when Finn comes for her on Starkiller Base.

Friendship. Rey's never had a friend before, not really, but she has Finn now.

He came for her when it wasn't his responsibility, when the First Order scared him so badly that his first instinct was to run away, when he had to know she'd thought the worst of him when he decided not to go to the Resistance base with her. Finn came for her when no one ever did before.

Rey had longed for family all her life and found it in this man.

* * *

Han was made to be a dad.

That made it all the more tragic when his own son shoved a lightsaber through Han's chest.

He'd taken Rey under his wing and offered her a job working for him and Rey had known that he'd seen something in her. A second chance of some kind. Perhaps a way to make amends for whatever went wrong with Ben Solo by mentoring this strange, sad girl from a desert planet in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe she'd reminded him of Luke.

Whatever the reason, Rey had been sorely tempted by his kindness in a way no job offer alone could have managed. She kept telling herself she had to go back to Jakku. But the truth was there was nothing for her there. And her own home would've been scavenged by others by now. She couldn't afford to start over with nothing.

Her parents were never coming for her. And the lightsaber makes her remember that.

It's no wonder she can't stand to touch it.

But then Han dies and Finn is injured in the fight with Kylo Ren and Rey... she will not lose someone else she loves. Never again.

She picks up the lightsaber and fights. It's too light, nothing like a staff, but Kylo Ren is emotionally compromised and Rey is used to controlling her own emotions to keep herself out of trouble with Unkar Plutt. So while Ren is all over the place, clearly unable to recall his own training in the wake of murdering his father and the destruction of the base all around them, Rey adapts the the light feeling of the saber hilt and uses every staff move she can think of that translates well to her new weapon.

She couldn't save Han. But she can save Finn.

* * *

Leia gives Rey a mother's hug. Rey had forgotten what they felt like.

Warmth and unconditional love and forgiveness wrap around Rey and she wishes, desperately, that this woman and her kind husband had been her parents.

"I laid down my lightsaber at the end of my training," Leia confided in Rey. "I had a vision of something terrible and hoped that in choosing not to pursue the life of a Jedi I could avert that future. Instead, I fear my choices brought that future to pass." She's talking about her son, Ben. Rey can feel that and she wonders what he was like, before choosing to give in to the hatred and fear of the dark side of the Force.

"I need you to seek out my brother. We need him now more than ever and if anyone can convince him to return, I believe it will be you."

Rey agrees. For Leia, for Han's memory, for Finn laying unconscious in the medical bay... Rey gives up on her dreams about her parents and focuses on the here and now. The people she loves so fiercely for all that she barely knows them at all.

* * *

He tosses the lightsaber over his shoulder and Rey has to restrain the urge to slap him. Instead, Rey retrieves the lightsaber and follows after Luke.

It's going to be a difficult job, convincing him to train her. Even more so to return to civilization.

"It's probably going to be boring here. You don't have to stay. I can always signal you when I'm ready to leave," Rey offers Chewbacca.

"Porgs are tasty. I could use the vacation," he yowls in return and then ruffles Rey's hair. "My family is dead. But my family is here."

She cries into his fur. Family is all she has ever wanted.

* * *

Luke isn't what Rey expected. He's the grumpy uncle she never knew she wanted. His daily routine is ridiculous and Rey is pretty sure that the care takers of the historical site they're squatting in really want him gone as much as they want her gone. They're just resigned to his presence in a way they aren't yet with her.

He gives in, though. He teaches her about the balance of nature and of the Force. And he worries for her, how she's drawn to the dark.

It's not the dark that draws Rey in, though. It's the light in the dark that fascinates her.

But she finds no answers there. Just a reminder that she has no past to speak of... and eventually there is also a vision of Kylo... no. Ben Solo. Ben fighting with her against some nameless enemy. The lightsaber in his hands isn't red.

The idea of it fascinates her, despite herself. And maybe that's how Snoke is able to connect them. Their mutual fascination with each other. Kylo Ren seeking the darkness within her; Rey seeking the light within him.

But it's the darkness within Luke that gives Rey the answers she truly needs.

In a moment of weakness, Luke was frightened by the shadows within his troubled nephew's mind. Activated his lightsaber on instinct and forever damaged the trust between them. And the fledgling Jedi Order died before it could truly be born.

It's not so much that Luke doesn't believe that Ben Solo can be saved as it is Luke knows he'll never be able to be the one to reach his nephew. He knew that his presence only makes Ben's retreat into the persona of Kylo Ren worse. So Luke Skywalker ran away from his mistakes and rejected the Force entirely.

Rey's disappointed. But she also understands.

"I'll be back," she promises, even though he doesn't hear her in his sleep. She takes the books of the Jedi and runs towards her friends, not away. But she feels him pass into the Force before she can make good on her promise.

Another loved one dead. Why does she always lose the ones she loves the most?

* * *

Ben isn't ready yet. For a glorious moment, she'd hoped...

There's still light within him, for all his myriad sins and Rey longs to take Ben's hand.

The mantle of Kylo Ren closes around him instead. It's not time yet. May never be time. She walks away.

* * *

Poe's smiles are sweet, but guilt stricken and she can sense how lost and alone he feels. Rey introduces herself, finding a kindred spirit in his appreciation of the Falcon.

Finn's love for Poe is obvious and electric, his love for Rey steady and deep, his love for Rose new and fragile. Rose breaks his heart a little; she doesn't feel comfortable in a polyamorous relationship. Rey doesn't want romance, but companionship which Finn respects. But Poe is uncertain of his place these days and he worries about coming in second in Finn's heart compared to Rey.

Sometimes Poe is an obnoxious hot shot pilot who does things with her ship he shouldn't that literally set the Millennium Falcon aflame. And sometimes he's the kind friend, who lends Rey BB-8, his closest companion, so that she won't feel lonely while they're gone. Even when he's upset and adamant she should be with them.

Finn gives the best hugs, but Poe's are growing on Rey.

* * *

Leia is a good teacher and the foundations Luke laid flourish under his sister's tutelage. Rey's connection to the Force grows in leaps and bounds. But the one thing she desires to learn the most eludes her.

She cannot speak to the Jedi who came before her, who are one with the Force. And Rey doesn't know if they simply have nothing to say to her or if there is some lack within her that keeps them away.

And Kylo Ren's occasional 'visits' through their bond do nothing but aggravate Rey with the visions of what could have been if Ben had taken her hand that day.

She wishes that they were siblings. She wishes that they weren't.

* * *

Chewie's death is her fault and she doesn't really come to terms with his survival until she wakes from a nightmare where he was not saved and he lets her cry into his fur again.

"Daughter of my heart, your family is safe," he tells her.

Her family is safe. And her family is in crisis. The power that once slept within her threatens those she loves most. Rey doesn't even know how to protect them from external threats; how can she hope to protect them from the threat she herself poses?

* * *

Her lightsaber pierces Kylo Ren even as Rey feel's Leia in the Force.

"My journey as a Jedi ended with my son's death." Those were Leia's words about the final vision she had before forsaking the path of a Jedi. But there Leia's presence was, stretched then across the many planets. Rey knew she would not see her again.

It jars Rey awake from the battle fugue she'd fallen into and determination takes its place.

Leia's death would not coincide with her son's death. Rey would not let it.

She heals her fallen enemy.

"Why?" he asks.

Because she'd wanted to take Ben Solo's hand. Because she still wanted to take his hand.

* * *

"You should treat this with more respect," Luke teases, giving her back the lightsaber. What he means is "don't repeat my mistakes."

He gives her his wisdom, his courage, and his x-wing.

"Family is what you make of it," he advises her. "Who you choose it to be."

Finn, Poe, Chewie, Han, Leia, Luke... Ben.

Family is who Rey chooses it to mean.

* * *

She has nothing left to give.

"Be in me."

No strength left to get up.

"Be in me."

But something is coalescing around her into shapes and voices.

"Be in me..."

Strength pours into her from the Force. From the Jedi whose combined will rises up within her and drives her to her feet.

"Rey, these are your final steps..."

She does not strike him down in hatred, making him more powerful than she could ever know. Instead she reflects his hatred back upon him.

Sheev Palpatine kills himself.

* * *

Rey decides she doesn't like kissing.

Kissing Ben was an impulsive decision. He wanted to kiss her - she could feel it through their bond - and she'd never tried it before. And he'd just saved her life, so it seemed like the right reaction at the time.

But even if he hadn't...

She felt him pass into the Force when he collapsed and that was when she understood. He'd given her too much. He gave her everything he had left. Ben Solo's final act in life had been to heal her and show her with something stronger than words that she was loved.

Rey was relatively certain Ben hadn't understood his feelings for her any more than she'd understood her feelings for him. But he'd wanted things that she knew she'd never have been able to give him.

She leaves his body there. She hates to do it, but a former Sith Lord's dead body would not be treated kindly by the Resistance. Not to mention there's no room in the X-Wing for him. And Rey can't risk staying long enough to build a pyre for him. Palpatine's acolytes might still be around. There'd been a ridiculously high number of them.

Rey wonders how many are like Finn. Stolen as children and indoctrinated in the ways of hatred. How many are like Ben, lured in by promises of power and then twisted until they fear they can never go home again.

She wonders how many could be saved, if only someone could show them they'd have somewhere safe to go. Ben wasn't unique in his turning away from the dark side of the force; he'd been following in his grandfather's footsteps. Surely there were more who wanted to step back into the light.

* * *

"I can use the Force," Finn says, eager and scared all at once. "I wasn't sure before, but that was what I was going to tell you when the sand sucked us down while we were on our fetch quest the other week."

Rey and Poe exchange looks at the words 'fetch quest'. They're still trying to decide if Lando is a good influence on Finn or not. 'Fetch quest' is clearly Lando's influence on his vocabulary and at least marginally more acceptable than his teaching Finn that the proper term for Kylo Ren's aesthetic was 'emo goth'. (Lando did introduce them all to something called hot chocolate, though, so Rey and Poe are willing to put up with a lot from the former General.)

"Does this mean you want to be my first experiment?" Rey finally asks, quickly correcting to, "student. I meant student, not experiment."

"Both are true, though," Poe declares with a laugh.

"Not helping," Rey hisses at him.

Finn just breaks out one of his patented, heart-warming grins. "I also prefer student, but yeah. Teach me, Rey, you're my only hope."

They laugh and Rey can almost feel the hand that doesn't slide along her shoulders, instilling her with a sense of pride. Leia's motherly influence just out of sight and out of reach. Luke's laughter, relaxed in a way Rey never heard it in life, ripples in the background of the trio's voices.

"I'm going to start using Skywalker as my last name," Rey said abruptly. "It's... I think they would have approved."

Poe nods. "Leia would've loved to have claimed you as her daughter. I may never have gotten the chance to meet her brother, but I bet he felt the same."

Finn grins and hugs her. "I'm so glad for you. I guess that means I should start thinking about surnames?"

"Finn Dameron has a nice ring to it," Poe muttered.

Stammering in delight, Finn finally gives up on words and just kisses Poe instead.

And all Rey feels is joy bubbling up inside her - her own feelings and theirs. This... this is hers. And she can always carry this moment with her, wherever she goes. Her family will always be with her.

* * *

Notes: Fun fact: in the Legends Canon, Lando introduced Luke to hot chocolate because he thought it was something Luke would enjoy.


End file.
